It's been a really long time since I've written or posted...but I have really good excuses.  One- Being on the road is extremely inconsistent, if ever you like routine or schedules or consistency-being on tour is not those things.  Wifi is scarce and having the opportunity to sit down and write is also rare. But today is a day off! my third since I started tour.  How am, I doing?  Well, I have no concept of what day it is, or which city I am in today or where I was yesterday, but I do know where I'm heading to.  I always know where I'm going to, it's what I did yesterday that is hard to remember.  Sounds blissful, righty?  It is.  and the tour is almost over. ... such mixed feelings.  On one hand- I can't wait to go home and wear a dress, paint my nails and frantically figure out what I am going to do for money.  On the other hand- I could be perfectly content wearing the same outfit, and eating on the run, drinking like a fool, performing every day and working my ass off to the point of developing pinched nerves and carpal tunnel.  Ya.  For the last few weeks I have lost feeling in my arms and finger tips....finally went to urgent care and turns out, I pretty much am falling apart-physically.  Also- weighted myself at the doctors.  Gained 15 pounds. Can't run a mile without being breathing super hard or do a push up because my hands ache so much.  I'm not myself.  But who cares?  Who's me really? I am who I make myself.  So today when I was at the docs and got weighed and accessed buy real life individuals who aren't doing what I am doing every day....I got a reality check.  Only my millionith one.  I adapt easy.  I can do ANYTHING.  Is that a good thing?  No, not really.  Anyone can adapt.  It's the strong who can look at adaptation and want more.  and then, get it. So I am challenging myself.  Even though I'm done touring in 18 days,  I'm still making a change.  I am going to push myself even when I'm pushed to the brink,  I can do more.  Being uncomfortable is where greatness is at!  Plus- when I go home, I want to be on top of thew world, not in post tour shock.  I want to take with me the idea of not worrying about where I was yesterday or where I am going tomorrow- it's right now that matters. Right now, our team of ten actors build a set, perform, and take down the set every day.  And if you think too far ahead, it can be overwhelming. If you think about the present and receive how wonderful it is to be alive, it is glorious.  I might not be in the best shape physically.  I might be broke as shit tomorrow.  I might be unemployed... but the upside is...I know how exciting life truly is.  At any moment.  Tour life will carry into my real life.  And I am looking forward to my "last leg"of this journey.  Stay tuned on my progress....or my faulterings.  Many more of both to come.  Meanwhile.  Lets get this weight in check shall we?  And also- I'll wear my wrist braces to regain the feeling in my arms.  I won't let setbacks make me feel less than.  I'll only let them propel me.  Of course, I say this with 2 beers and a glass of wine in me.  But one thing at a time....curbing my drinking will come in due time.